I heard we made out
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize