Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
