can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
