Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
