i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
