Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
