dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize