So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize