How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
