Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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