12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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