have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
