I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
