I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
