Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
