You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
