remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
