u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
