Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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