You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
