toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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