She's JV to your varsity
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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