i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
