am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
