We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize