no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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