I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
