Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
