Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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