I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
