What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
