you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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