I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
