I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
