Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
