Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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