I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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