So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
