Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
