A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
