my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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