I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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