i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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