This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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