Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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