My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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