I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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