Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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