so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
