Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize