Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
