Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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