If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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