Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
