On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
