Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
