Rock
Scissors
Fuck
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
