Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
