I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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