tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize