You smell like stripper and shame
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
