How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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