I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
