If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
