If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
