last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
