i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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