My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
