I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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