i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
