I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
