I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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