...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk is not a location!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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