What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
