I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
