Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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