who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
