I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
