Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
