We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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