Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
