When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
