we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
