I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
