Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
